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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

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These days, some
people
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 hold the view that competition will bring some benefits to
people
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 at work or at school in daily life, but
others
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 hold the view that
people
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 should learn how to cooperate with teammates is better than competing against each other.In my opinion, I agree with the latter point, it is because it is a good way to improve work efficiency. On the one hand, through cooperating,
people
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 can learn something new they did not notice before. In
this
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 process,
people
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 usually share their views and opinions with each other, it is a good way to help
people
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 learn some new knowledge and accept different points of view, meanwhile, open their minds. Meanwhile, they can improve their abilities,
such
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 as thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, communication skills, teamwork abilities and more.
In addition
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, in
this
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 process,
people
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 can make more friends from different backgrounds. Nowadays, It is so popular that
people
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 have to usually cooperate with
others
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 to finish one teamwork together, so
people
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 should always communicate with
others
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. For a long time,
people
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 will expand their relationships, meanwhile, they will
also
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 develop their self-esteem. They can talk about some problems with
people
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 who come from all lives of the walk. In conclusion,
people
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 should be encouraged to learn how to cooperate with
others
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, meanwhile, they should develop themselves in
this
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 process. Only with
this
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 method,
people
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 can improve their work efficiency and pay more attention to their goals.
Also
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, it is a good way to help them find more resources to make their dreams come true

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Task Achievement
It's important to provide a balanced discussion of both views. While you presented your opinion clearly, consider outlining the benefits of competition in a separate paragraph to fulfill the task requirements more thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Watch out for grammatical errors and sentence construction. For instance, 'people should learn how to cooperate with teammates is better than competing' could be rephrased for clarity. An improved version could be, 'people should learn how to cooperate with their teammates rather than compete'
Coherence and Cohesion
Link your ideas smoothly between paragraphs. Try using cohesive devices like 'On the other hand' when discussing the opposing view, even if you do not support it. This will help the reader follow your train of thought more easily.
Task Achievement
You express a strong opinion about the value of cooperation over competition, which is clearly stated in your introduction.
Task Achievement
Your ideas on how cooperation enhances skills and builds relationships are insightful and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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