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Band 4

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #experiences #children #school #effect #future #life #teenagers #influence
Nowadays, many doctors are asserting that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the ability
of choosing
Replace the preposition
to choose
show examples
Correct article usage
the decision
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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of
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in
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lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 is affected by experiences at they are preschoolers. There
is
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are
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also
people
 saying experiences
at
Change preposition
during
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 their puberty has greater effects
to
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on
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 their life. In my opinion, the experience from the school is extremely
influence
Replace the word
influential
show examples
Change preposition
for as
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as
Correct your spelling
a
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person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 who
already
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has already
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went
Wrong verb form
gone
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 through those steps. Most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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the people
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 are learned various stuff at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school, not only
academic
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academics
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 they
also
 learn social skills too. As teenagers’ puberty
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 they normally concentrate
their
Change preposition
on their
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 looks,outfit,reputation, and their relation with their society in the school.
Therefore
 their thoughts and ideas on perspective are influenced by their surrounding for
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
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 when
Correct article usage
a teenager
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 repeatedly being complimented on one thing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 naturally obsessed with the thing,
this
 is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
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 normal reaction that can happen to teenagers. For
this
 reason when
this
 kind of situation occurs several times, they absolutely the affected
thought
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thoughts
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 influence to their ability of
decision
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decisions
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.
Teenager’
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Teenagers’
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 brains are growing greater
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to children,
consequently
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,consequently
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 teenagers have
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
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 capacity
of
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for
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 memory and many
people
 normally forget happening when they were young age. According to that, human’ brains are made for themselves
therefore
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
forgets or makes up
instead
 remember the horrible memory and
this
 works better
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children than teenagers.
However
,
teenager
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teenagers
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 often
remember
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remembers
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 significant happening
of
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in
show examples
 their lives
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
this
 brain’s reaction
is not work
Change the verb form
does not work
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 for immature
people
. In conclusion despite the opinion that children are influenced more, the ability
of being
Replace the preposition
to be
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deciding
Add an article
the deciding
a deciding
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives has greater affection from
Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
.
Submitted by shoep11 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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