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Band 4

Some companies sponsor sport and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sport #sports #stars #people
There are numerous
people
 who are at risk of severe health issues because of the increasing trend of being overweight. The cause and the solution will be discussed below.
Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
show examples
diet
 is the cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the growth
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 obese
people
 in the city. The
diet
 included components like high fat, high sodium and high sugar. Fast
food
 shops are common nowadays because they are able to provide quick meals
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable prices for
people
 who need to work. Those restaurants sell
food
 like burgers, chips and other deep-fried foods which include relatively harmful ingredients. With the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
, individuals will gain more body fat and will become overweight. In America, the shops like
Mcdonalds
Fix the agreement mistake
McDonald
show examples
, KFC and Burgerking are frequently seen on the street because they are the main type of
food
 that Americans eat. According to several papers, it found that the average Body Mass Index (BMI) of the United States was higher than
Correct pronoun usage
that with
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other countries in the world. It is necessary to tackle the problem by the government to promote and educate the
people
 on the consequences of being overweight and the way to stay healthy. Education and promotion can help citizens to learn more about the rationale
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting fat and the method of maintaining a good eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. It is the primary stage to avoid obesity. In Hong Kong, an advertisement was released to promote the importance of the ‘3-2-1’
diet
 which included 3 portions of grains, 2 portions of vegetables and 1 portion of meat.
This
 ‘
diet
’ was promoted in public and the ‘3-2-1’
diet
 was implied to the school's catering services. To conclude, an imbalanced
diet
 is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 reason for the increase of overweight
people
 and it is important to deal with the issue by promoting and educating
people
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 key to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 healthy.
Submitted by leungheiman1997.lhm on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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