Some companies sponsor sport and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are numerous
people
who are at risk of severe health issues because of the increasing trend of being overweight. The cause and the solution will be discussed below.
Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
show examples
diet
is the cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the growth
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
obese
people
in the city. The
diet
included components like high fat, high sodium and high sugar. Fast
food
shops are common nowadays because they are able to provide quick meals
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
reasonable prices for
people
who need to work. Those restaurants sell
food
like burgers, chips and other deep-fried foods which include relatively harmful ingredients. With the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
, individuals will gain more body fat and will become overweight. In America, the shops like
Mcdonalds
Fix the agreement mistake
McDonald
show examples
, KFC and Burgerking are frequently seen on the street because they are the main type of
food
that Americans eat. According to several papers, it found that the average Body Mass Index (BMI) of the United States was higher than
Correct pronoun usage
that with
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
other countries in the world. It is necessary to tackle the problem by the government to promote and educate the
people
on the consequences of being overweight and the way to stay healthy. Education and promotion can help citizens to learn more about the rationale
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
getting fat and the method of maintaining a good eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. It is the primary stage to avoid obesity. In Hong Kong, an advertisement was released to promote the importance of the ‘3-2-1’
diet
which included 3 portions of grains, 2 portions of vegetables and 1 portion of meat.
This
diet
’ was promoted in public and the ‘3-2-1’
diet
was implied to the school's catering services. To conclude, an imbalanced
diet
is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
reason for the increase of overweight
people
and it is important to deal with the issue by promoting and educating
people
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
key to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
healthy.
Submitted by leungheiman1997.lhm on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • brand visibility
  • target audience
  • endorsement deals
  • positive association
  • commercial interests
  • conflict of interest
  • over-reliance
  • excessive commercialization
  • sportsmanship
  • athletic performance
  • corporate sponsorship
  • fan engagement
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