IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
In
this
 contemporary world, the majority of governments believe that economic progress is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant factor rather than other developments.
Moreover
, some communities argue that they want to get equal importance
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other developments for a better tomorrow.
This
 essay will focus on
this
 view and I will give my opinion too.
To begin
 with, currently,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 economy is the backbone of the country . Wherever citizens are provided job opportunities by local authorities when there has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economic progression.
Further
, as long
local
Correct word choice
as local
show examples
 monetary departments always strive to increase
Correct article usage
the
show examples
economy
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 various productive factors especially, exporting products to international countries.
For example
, Srilanka has faced economic collapse due to political corruption and it caused
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in management fluctuations in goods and other products. As result, when we live in
a poor countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
poor countries
a poor country
show examples
, we are able to face critical situations in our lifetime.
On the other hand
, education, health and trades are the other sectors which want to develop in every nation.
Furthermore
, education is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital key factor for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 and wherever we have a quality and standard education, we will become
Correct article usage
a
show examples
literacy society with a high proportion among other nations.
For instance
, Australia decided to improve their healthcare system, by giving free healthcare services
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 citizens.
Consequently
, it demonstrates the standard and progress in their motherland and
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
feasible
Add an article
a feasible
the feasible
show examples
 environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their population. In conclusion, from my perspective, I believe that local authorities should want to implement plans and schemes to develop
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and other sectors in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 equal manner. Unless
the
Correct pronoun usage
they the
show examples
 get necessary steps to rise up, we are definitely able to face
critical
Add an article
the critical
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 because of their weaknesses in management skills.
Thus
, undoubtedly, we will face economic and social collapse
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our communities.
Submitted by skrodrigo030 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: