IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #children #home #child’s #development #school #methods
Some people thought that
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
staying
 at
home
 is the best way for children's development, while others argue that it is important to attend
school
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
. In my view,
Although
 some parents think
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 from
home
 is effective for children's development, I think pupils need to go to
school
 to build up their skill of communication, and
also
 will increase of knowing their friend's characters better.
Learing
Correct your spelling
Learning
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 is exciting
moments
Fix the agreement mistake
moment
show examples
 because the
students
Add a verb
arestudents
werestudents
show examples
 able to meet their friends. As a young
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
,
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 tend to communicate and willingness to know their peer better.
Moreover
, they love to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
laugh
Add an article
a laugh
show examples
, share
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and care
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their friends.
For example
, my daughter, Neylan is 8 years old
Correct word choice
and on
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 3rd grade. She enjoyed
to meet
Change the verb form
meeting
show examples
 their friends compared with the situation of
Add an article
the pandemic
show examples
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 only talk through google class or zoom on the Internet.
Therefore
, the
school
 is the place
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can have some communion with others
students
. In
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct your spelling
same
show examples
 way,
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 at
home
 can
also
 bring
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
. The
Students
 have to
independent
Add a missing verb
be independent
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of looking
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
school
's material
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. In fact, the situation is the already happened
ont
Correct your spelling
on
 the
last
 2 years proves
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 effective to boost their
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
.
For instance
, in Indonesia,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can study in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some place
Correct your spelling
someplace
show examples
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 their parents
also
 had worked in the
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 without
helping
Replace the word
help
show examples
 from
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
 or an adult.
Hence
, the
student
 can improve their independent skill when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 study at
home
. To conclude,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can study
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
school
 to build their relationship
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 at
home
 can
also
 increase
student
's sense of
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized learning
  • cater
  • flexible schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • socialization
  • diversity awareness
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • punctuality
  • resources and facilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • specialized subjects
  • experts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: