some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. Do you agree or disagree?

long life expectancy has increased in the community because of some medical treatments and the invention of technical devices ,which help the public at home and in industry .
Therefore
government think that the retirement age should be increased significantly.I disagree with
this
view and I am going to reflect reasons for
this
in my essay. There are several reasons for government can not increase the evacuation life.
First
and
furthermore
,
although
humans are living a long period, a long growth expectancy does not mean high productivity,
for instance
, the population may gain a lot of diseases throughout their heart ,due to challenges of growth and pressure of work
as a result
they are not able to effort effectively when they are old and
this
influences the prospect of the company . Another downside of increasing the pension life is that impacts our society negatively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because grandparenting is the most important part of the upbringing and nursing of the young generation. Grandparents are likely to be
second
parents to instruct children in being aware of the rights and wrongs in every walk of activity ,
in addition
, children have clothing relationships with their grandparents who always be together with them when parents are busy with their job and family burdens.
Secondly
, for many evacuations is the beginning of a new lifestyle with less pressure and more entertainment when people want to fulfil their lifelong dreams. The elderly population are prone to be together with their family and want to get affection from their children.
Moreover
, they do prefer to travel and discover new things for their later new activity which after pullout maturity. To sum up .
Although
the increase of the evacuation maturity would be good for the budget of authority I strongly believe that
this
has a negative impact not only on wholesome elderly nations but
also
it will affect society.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: