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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of the argument and then give your opinion.

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The problem
that is
Linking Words
 often debated nowadays is the
using
Replace the word
use
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 of computers in
education
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. For the great majority of
people
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people,
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 it is only
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 trend,
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
way
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 to learn something.
Let
Add a missing verb
Let's
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 be honest, we
even don't
Verb problem
can't
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imagine
Rephrase
even imagine
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 our daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 without modern smartphones or tablets. Technologies are developing at lightning speed and it is impossible to work or teach someone without
Correct article usage
a coomputer
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coomputer
Correct your spelling
computer
. But other people, psychologists,
for instance
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, warn us that using computers is leading to negative consequences. I will try to
explaine
Correct your spelling
explain
 in
this
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 essay advantages and disadvantages of that aspect of our
life
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. First of
all
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all,
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 let us try to understand that
education
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 reflects opportunities and if there are easy ways like
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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, we will use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. No one will choose to go to the library, to find the book and to find the needed information, because it will take more time
,
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apply
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 than just to use a
computer
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.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 there are new schools, based on
computer
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programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 only. They are
usefull
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useful
 and interesting. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 there are
invastigations
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investigations
, which say that the using of
gagets
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gadgets
 influences
on
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apply
show examples
the child's brain in
the
Change the article
a
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 negative
way
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. The fundamental reason for
that is
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 using
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 tablets by
chlidren
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children
 not only for learning, but
also
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 for games and,
as a consequence
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, they spend a lot of time in front of
display
Add an article
the display
a display
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. I suppose the best
way
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 to deal with that problem is to take responsibility and find
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
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 between the traditional
way
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 of
education
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 and the modern one. Even though computers are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 part of human
life
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 we should remember
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
easy ways to find information without
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and show it
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
 children. In conclusion, I would like to underline that
education
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 is
Add an article
an
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essential part of
life
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 not only for children
,
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apply
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 but for adults as well. I
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wish
wih
Correct your spelling
wish
 I could know
ot
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to
 predict the
Correct your spelling
future
fututre
Correct your spelling
future
, but we have only "today" and

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task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear context but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement by explicitly stating your opinion on the topic. Also, try to proofread for spelling errors like 'coomputer' and 'using of' to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down your arguments into clearer individual points. Each new idea should begin a new paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow. Also, the transitions between points could be smoother.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you might mention specific studies or statistics that show the positive or negative effects of computer use in education.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure to avoid repetitive phrasing. For example, instead of 'the using of gadgets influences on the child's brain in the negative way,' consider rephrasing to 'the use of gadgets negatively impacts children's brain development.'
positive
You provide a balanced view, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of computer use in education.
positive
Your essay addresses the topic and gives a personal opinion in the conclusion, which fulfills the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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