IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #areas #change
Some individuals believe that
tourism
 should be banned in some areas to protect local culture while others claim that limited areas for
tourism
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 brought benefits for the locals and change is inevitable. In
this
 essay, I would like to discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives before drawing a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, some people believe that
tourism
 should be banned from some
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to protect the local
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
 and culture.
Firstly
,
over
Add a hyphen
over-tourism
show examples
tourism
 would cause some significantly degrade to the
area
’s
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and
heritages
Correct your spelling
heritage
show examples
.
For instance
, when tourists from
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 come, they somehow can affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 by what food they eat.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 flooding
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 with misbehaving could cause
damaged
Change the form of the verb
damage
show examples
 to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 people tend to write on
Add an article
the wall
show examples
wall
Fix the agreement mistake
walls
show examples
 or on
Add an article
the tree
a tree
show examples
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
 where they went to
marked
Replace the word
mark
show examples
 cause damage.
Secondly
, if the
tourist
 number
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 more green land and natural land will be replaced by
tourism
 facilities,
as a result
, it will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the environment and cause
polluted
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
. On the one hand,
tourism
 has multiple adverb impacts on the development of
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
.
Firstly
, more
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 will open to
server
Replace the word
serve
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 like
souvenir
Add an article
a souvenir
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
,
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
,
Add an article
a hotel
the hotel
show examples
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 which help
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 revenue.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
tourism
 help solve the unemployment in the
area
 as people can open their own business for
tourist
;
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 it will help the economic growth of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
. In conclusion, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
 has
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 harmful
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the local culture, I still
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 some
arae
Correct your spelling
are
area
 will bring no benefit to the
area
,
esspecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 the economy.
Submitted by nguyenmaitrang1310 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: