IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

‘Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behaviour is now having a negative impact on society.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's world, children are no longer obedient to their mothers and fathers when compared to how they were long ago.
This
Linking Words
 has affected many communities negatively. There's now too much crime and bad influence from social media.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most minors are involved in criminal activities.
This
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 is because they do not listen to their parents. Rules set in their homes are sometimes seen as imprisoning them and taking away their freedom.
Instead
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 of staying at home, they create friendships and join groups that are associated with crime.
For instance
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, a recent study showed that most juveniles involved in communal theft started by doing it in their own homes. They did not listen to their parents when they were reprimanded.
This
Linking Words
 impacts society negatively because people now live in fear of losing their properties. To add on, social media plays a big role in contemporary society. Most children copy the lives of celebrities online and try to mimic
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Some of the vocabulary and dress code aired on the internet by content creators
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 their dream lifestyle. No person can convince them that it's a script. When parents try to correct
such
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 actions, most minors do not listen. Mothers and fathers are considered to be old-fashioned and boring.
Such
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 actions have affected society in a negative way. They are now raising uncultured children who think they know life better than their elders. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed that juveniles no longer obey their mothers and fathers as they used to long ago.
This
Linking Words
 is because of social media influence and involvement in crime.

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task response
Line up your view in the first paragraph. State clearly if you think children’s lack of respect harms society.
evidence
Give more exact examples or data. Mention numbers, dates, or a known fact to back up points.
coherence
Use simple linking words to move from one idea to another. Words like also, and, but, however help flow.
language
Check grammar and word choice. Use usual phrases, avoid long or odd phrases.
planning
End with a short, clear conclusion that repeats your view and sum up the main ideas.
strength
The topic is clear and you argue that media and crime harm society.
strength
You use some examples to support points.
structure
There is a basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • individualism
  • traditional values
  • authority
  • communication dynamics
  • pervasive
  • social networks
  • critical thinking
  • authoritarian
  • economic stressors
  • power structures
  • juvenile delinquency
  • family units
  • community cohesion
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