Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Both huge and tiny
animals
are essential
component
Fix the agreement mistake
components
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
our environment. Wild
animals
are significant for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety of reasons and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain my point of view. First all
all
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
, people’s life would not
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
without natural species
due to
their role in ecosystem function. Wild fauna is necessary to keep the
food
chain in place and
due to
this
fact maintain ecological stability. Each organism has
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
unique place in
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
chain and helps to contribute ecosystem in the right way.
Balanced
Correct article usage
A balanced
show examples
ecosystem allows us to get oxygen, receive enough
food
to eat and
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
in clean fresh air. In case when
animals
start to be endangered or decrease in numbers, both
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
and social impact of our Earth suffer from
this
issue. As an example, cities that are not located in natural areas or do not have them
near
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
(
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
, lakes,
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
show examples
) often complain
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
air pollution and people do not have access to organic
food
.
Secondly
, wild
animals
become an element of modern medicine. Some
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
, use vitamins and ingredients from unharmed species. Some animal’s nutrients are used to cure even harmful diseases
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
cancer. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
can be Traditional Chinese Medicine
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
more than 30
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
wild
animals
for human
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
show examples
, including snakes, tigers
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
black bears.
Nevertheless
, because of
this
“traditional treatment”, many wild
animals
in China are put
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
risk. In conclusion, from all these elements which I mentioned, wild
animals
are significantly necessary for human life on the Earth. If wild species disappear, with time homo
sapiens
Change noun form
sapiens'
sapien's
show examples
existence will be in danger as well.
Submitted by maryanach12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction does not clearly present the writer's opinion or a clear overview of the essay's structure. The body paragraphs lack a clear and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the importance of wild animals for the environment and human life. However, the essay lacks depth and fails to thoroughly discuss both views before presenting the writer's opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: