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Band 5

• Successful sports professionals, such as football stars, earn much higher salaries than people in other important professions. Some people think this is unjustified and unfair. What is your own opinion.

#sports #professionals #football #stars #salaries #people #professions
•Successful sports professionals,
such
 as
football
 stars, earn much higher salaries than
people
 in other important professions. Some
people
 think
this
 is unjustified and unfair. What is your own opinion
.
Change the punctuation
?
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First
, no one would argue that
football
 is a great source of
entartainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, and
entartaining
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 is a great investment globally.
Foorballers
Correct your spelling
Footballers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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always play an important role in helping
people
 forget about their daily life stresses, for that
people
, unawarely, reward them by buying tickets
of
Change preposition
for
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 the matches they
attends
Change the verb form
attend
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, buying sports costume even following their pages and accounts on different social platforms.
Thus
,
football
 players would have a high income, for the enjoyments they provide to their fans.
Second
, in my opinion,
Although
 footballers seem to earn
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 income, more than the effort they do,
but
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apply
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, in fact, they are not able to play until they get retired.
Footbal
Correct your spelling
Football
 ,as a sport, needs high body abilities and skill performance, so hardly ever a
football
player
 would able to play soccer over
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty
 of his age.
In other words
,
football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 should be able to save money for the rest of their life.
Finally
,
football
 clubs are big business projects
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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owned
Add a missing verb
are owned
show examples
 by billionaires, and players are the main characters in the project.
Football
 teams are not going to have lots of fans without big the big superstars playing for them, and Whenever a
football
 club signs a contract with a
player
, they bear in mind to earn much more money from the contract than the amount of salary they give the
player
.
Submitted by ghazi.lina on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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