IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

#cultures #childrens #children #message
The two maps
given
Add the auxiliary verb
gave
have given
show examples
 present what changes have been done to the town of Kimsville around the
city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 since 2002. In 2002,
trees
 were planted around the
city
 centre in four corners, but afterwards, the
trees
 on the left side are removed. To be more specific, new apartments and
football
Correct article usage
a football
show examples
 stadium are now in the place of the north-west and south-west corners of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 centre respectively, exactly where the
trees
 were originally
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2002.
In addition
 to
this
, there have been three more new constructions. A new train station and software company are
also
 built
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the very west and east sides of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 separately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today, and the old cinema in the south has been replaced by a pub. The only unchanged thing
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 the right-side
trees
 is the shopping centre in the direct north of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Submitted by 59213142 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • work ethic
  • resilience
  • self-confidence
  • self-worth
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • frustration
  • self-esteem
  • pressure
  • anxiety
  • individual effort
  • collaboration
  • social support
  • systemic factors
  • talent
  • opportunity
  • luck
What to do next:
Look at other essays: