There is an alarming trend emerging among adolescents—the increasing crime rate. This phenomenon, explained by several experts, is a result of insufficient education at school and within the family. Although without in-depth investigation, such a theory can indeed offer useful insights into understanding the situation.

It is true that many teenagers involved in violent activities often share two traits, and the first is that they do not have great academic results.
However
,
this
does not indicate that these students are obtuse or slow on
uptake
Correct article usage
the uptake
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;
on the contrary
, most of them are intelligent and shrewd enough. In fact, in most cases, schools failed them.
For example
, in areas where crime rates are significantly higher, schools are always more understaffed and underfunded, which turns the supposedly educational faculties into hotbeds of criminal misconduct. Teachers who are underpaid and overworked
also
face the conundrum of not being able to provide adequate support to the countless kids in need.
Consequently
, even though many young offenders intended to stay out of trouble, desperation and helplessness drove them off track. The second feature is their incomplete and even damaged families. In the US, the majority of violent felons who have not entered adulthood are raised by a single parent, mostly the mother. Needless to
elaborate
Verb problem
say
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, single mums live the most difficult lives
for
Change preposition
apply
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having to be the breadwinner and the carer at the same time.
Therefore
, it is an unsurprising outcome that children in these families enjoy little necessary company and emotional support, let alone crucial guidance from older ones. For the lucky ones who grew up with a fatherlike presence, prevailing domestic abuse
along with
alcohol and drug addiction ruined family relationships, sabotaged any chances of indoctrination, and pushed youngsters to imitate those toxic behaviours. In closing, teachers and parents are always considered
as
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apply
show examples
role models and the most vital educators for children to emulate and learn life instructions. Once deprived of
such
advantages, developing individuals can easily fall
victims
Fix the agreement mistake
victim
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to wrongful influences and even commit brutal felonies.
Submitted by yanjinru0827 on

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coherence cohesion
Opening with a clearer introduction that states the purpose of the essay can provide a more robust framework for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Including a brief preview in the introduction that outlines the points to be discussed can enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Expanding on the conclusion to summarize the key points more explicitly can leave a stronger final impression.
task achievement
While your points are well-supported, make sure to clearly tie each example back to your argument in a brief sentence to emphasize its relevance.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt with a well-rounded discussion on the causes of increasing crime rates among adolescents.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph clearly presents a distinct idea, adding to the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples substantiates the claims made, contributing to a comprehensive discussion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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