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Band 4.5

Many criminals commit crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
Criminals who commit
crimes
 were judged to stay in a
prison
. After they were released from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
, they commit
crimes
 again as soon as they
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
. In the following paragraphs, the supportive reasons and practical
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem will be examined. Many criminals who commit
crimes
 have different mental
health
 from normal
people
,
such
 as some of them think they should kill someone and
sacrified
Correct your spelling
sacrificed
sacrifice
 them to
reborn
Add a missing verb
be reborn
show examples
 with god in
after life
Correct your spelling
afterlife
show examples
.
Moreover
, many
people
 after
released
Add a missing verb
being released
show examples
 from the
prison
 have many
thieve's
Correct your spelling
thieve
show examples
 skills with them because of
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
envirounment
Correct your spelling
environment
 in
prison
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 consists of many thieves have taught them
meny
Correct your spelling
many
thieve's
Correct your spelling
thieves
show examples
 skills and
people
 with un-normal mental
health
 which can cause normal
people
 to be bad
people
 or accelerated bad
people
 to be psycho in a short time. To tackle these problems, the government should have significant
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 of the
envirounment
Correct your spelling
environment
 inside the
prison
such
 as
clear
Replace the word
clearing
show examples
 all drugs and illegal items in
prison
.
Moreover
, giving knowledge to
prisoners
 for their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 after they were released from the
prison
, so they can have a legal job and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will never commit
crimes
 again.
Additionally
, before
Add a missing verb
being released
show examples
released
Wrong verb form
releasing
show examples
prisoners
 from the
prison
 should have mental
health
 verification for every
prisoners
Change to a singular noun
prisoner
show examples
, to double-check that they have normal mental
health
 to live
others
Change preposition
with others
show examples
. In conclusion, the problem that criminals commit
crimes
 after they were released from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from bad
envirounment
Correct your spelling
environment
 in
prison
 and individual mental
health
 which can solve by
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 the
envirounment
Correct your spelling
environment
 inside the
prison
 and every
prisoners
Change to a singular noun
prisoner
show examples
 must have mental
health
 verification before they were released.
Submitted by detch2543 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
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