Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages

Music

has always had a crucial role in

individual’s

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals’

show examples

lives.

Accordingly

,there is an idea asserting that

music

is a suitable way through which folk of various nations and

also

different ages can gather together. From my point of view,

this

opinion is entirely true.

To begin

with,

music

is a worldwide

language

through which various

people

can gather together. Needless to

say

Add a comma

,say

show examples

that nation of all regions like

music

and rules of it is the same in all parts of the

world

, so

people

can make songs in order to show what they want to express. As it can be seen, different

music

competitions are held every year in parts of the

world

with the aim to make a

competition

, but in

fact

Add a comma

,fact

show examples

it is something more than a

competition

, and the main aim is to put various

people

belong

Wrong verb form

belonging

show examples

to different countries together. Take

Eurovision

Correct article usage

the Eurovision

show examples

music

competition

as an example, for many years

music

lovers have come to the

competition

from different regions leading to gathering together and

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

fun plus, recognition of other country’s

music

Moreover

music

is a mental need for every individual. As all of us know not only our body but

also

our mind needs a special food which is

music

;

this

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

daily pressure can be demolished by listening to

music

Add an article

the music

show examples

of different cultures. In fact gathering

people

is not only by festivals but

also

it can be achieved by listening to various culture’s songs.

For instance

, Turkish

music

is very popular and in

Istanbul

Add a comma

,Istanbul

show examples

there are a plethora of singers who have been surrounded by tourists from different parts of the

world

as they find

music

a food source for

mind

Correct article usage

the mind

show examples

and a way of relaxing.

Moreover

, even children enjoy and dance

with

Change preposition

show examples

their songs.

As a result

, it is obvious

music

has no barrier in the

world

. To conclude,

music

is a worldwide

language

and

music

competitons

Correct your spelling

competitions

competition

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

an example

how

Change preposition

of how

show examples

this

language

has gathered

people

of different nations together.

Moreover

music

is a source of food for our

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

. Turkish singers in Istanbul are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

example of how

music

has influenced them to stay and watch. From my point of view,

this

universial

Correct your spelling

universal

language

can bring up

people

together.

Submitted by shahlad on Fri May 27 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

370 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

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some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Disscuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?