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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages
Music
 has always had a crucial role in
individual’s
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals’
show examples
 lives.
Accordingly
 ,there is an idea asserting that
music
 is a suitable way through which folk of various nations and
also
 different ages can gather together. From my point of view,
this
 opinion is entirely true.
To begin
 with,
music
 is a worldwide
language
 through which various
people
 can gather together. Needless to
say
Add a comma
,say
show examples
 that nation of all regions like
music
 and rules of it is the same in all parts of the
world
, so
people
 can make songs in order to show what they want to express. As it can be seen, different
music
 competitions are held every year in parts of the
world
 with the aim to make a
competition
, but in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 it is something more than a
competition
, and the main aim is to put various
people
belong
Wrong verb form
belonging
show examples
 to different countries together. Take
Eurovision
Correct article usage
the Eurovision
show examples
music
competition
 as an example, for many years
music
 lovers have come to the
competition
 from different regions leading to gathering together and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 fun plus, recognition of other country’s
music
.
Moreover
,
music
 is a mental need for every individual. As all of us know not only our body but
also
 our mind needs a special food which is
music
;
this
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 daily pressure can be demolished by listening to
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 of different cultures. In fact gathering
people
 is not only by festivals but
also
 it can be achieved by listening to various culture’s songs.
For instance
, Turkish
music
 is very popular and in
Istanbul
Add a comma
,Istanbul
show examples
 there are a plethora of singers who have been surrounded by tourists from different parts of the
world
 as they find
music
 a food source for
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 and a way of relaxing.
Moreover
, even children enjoy and dance
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their songs.
As a result
, it is obvious
music
 has no barrier in the
world
. To conclude,
music
 is a worldwide
language
 and
music
competitons
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an example
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
this
language
 has gathered
people
 of different nations together.
Moreover
,
music
 is a source of food for our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Turkish singers in Istanbul are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of how
music
 has influenced them to stay and watch. From my point of view,
this
universial
Correct your spelling
universal
language
 can bring up
people
 together.
Submitted by shahlad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
What to do next:
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