IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question: Many people decide on a career path early in their life and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?

#people #career #path #life
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For some people, making decisions on their
career
Use synonyms
 early may give them a more satisfying working
life
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. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with them and I
also
Linking Words
 believe that there are so many ways for us to achieve satisfying working
life
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such
Linking Words
 as achieving our goals and earning
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal of
money
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. Starting something earlier always gains us to come to a
desition
Correct your spelling
decision
show examples
. That would give us a chance to try and see and make our mind about what would be the best
suitiable
Correct your spelling
suitable
 way to
contunie
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continue
 our
career
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. when we find
our
Change the pronoun
the
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 best fit
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
career
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, we would become satisfied with our
decition
Correct your spelling
decision
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is another way to find out to be happy in our jobs. The other solution is to reach our targets in our
career
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.
One
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 and the other and
that is
Linking Words
 for sure that the
next
Linking Words
 goal would be on its way for us to achieve. Taking steps
one
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 by
one
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 in our
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 and achieving them would lead to a more
stasfying
Correct your spelling
satisfying
 working
life
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. We would have the approvement of our employers as well as our
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 due to our
succsess
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success
achievments
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achievements
achievement
 which can make us happy.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
money
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 can not buy
happinness
Correct your spelling
happiness
, of
course
Add the comma(s)
,course
show examples
 but it will give us
a
Remove the article
apply
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freedom. We can buy
designers'
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designers
show examples
 clothes, go on nice holidays,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 dinners in fancy restaurants. We can do almost whatever we want and earning
money
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 wouldn't be the case for
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
stress. Making and keeping early
desitions
Correct your spelling
decisions
show examples
, achieving our goals in our
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 and earning big
amoung
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
money
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 on our
career
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 path are the ways
Correct pronoun usage
that motivates
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motivates
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivate
show examples
 us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
career
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. At least
one
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 of them would open the door
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
satisfiying
Correct your spelling
satisfying
 working
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by onayozge00 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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