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Band 4

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #time #say #activities
Few people argue that college pupils should participate in other activities
instead
 of doing education preparation. I totally agree with the statement and in the following ,paragraphs we will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain views of the essay.
To begin
 with, the youngers who are pursuing their university education should participate in separate types of activities, which help them to become healthy and they will maintain their fitness by doing the exercises.
Moreover
, if they
will
Verb problem
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take
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in domestic work they can be let know about the household things which we have to require on a routine basis.
However
,
always
Rephrase
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studying
also
 increases a lot of stress, so, to become relaxed they should prepare a time management table for adding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor sports to their study schedule which helps to remove the extra burden from the mind and make them
stressfree
Correct your spelling
stress-free
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.
Furthermore
, apart from every time culture campus syllabus learning they should
be attended
Wrong verb form
attend
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 some social events which increase the social awareness among the students and
as a result
, they let know about the behaviour of people around the society.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, sometimes they tend to move toward politics which enhances their leadership quality
on
Change preposition
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
For example
, In ,India many university students join politics during their studies and become ministers in the ruling government. To recapitulate, during the study age student should participate in a different type of competition
instead
 of focusing on education which will
be providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 them with better opportunities in their life and they will become mentally
as well as
 physically strong.
Submitted by gurmit.150 on

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task response
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas related to the topic. The examples provided are not relevant to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is inconsistent, and there is a lack of clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are not well connected, and the coherence and cohesion need improvement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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