IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
Nowadays in some places, youth have been abandoning their relationships and hometowns to live in
areas
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 are bigger and have more amenities , there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of factors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 ,but certain measures could be taken to alleviate
this
 problem. there are several causes of
this
 issue, if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 had to pick the significant one,
to begin
with
Add the comma(s)
,with
show examples
 I would go for to obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better opportunities to live. In rural
areas
, living is based on agriculture and animal husbandry.In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 the balance between the countryside residents and farms is broken by increasing the rate of population .
forexample
Correct your spelling
for example
, my grandfather 's farm was divided
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 five children ,
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in the share
his
Change preposition
of his
show examples
 kids
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreasing, so my father has forced to leave his village .
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
 some
country sides
Correct your spelling
countrysides
show examples
 do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable amenities .namely, road, school ,university and so on.
Fore
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example there is a rural area in
south
Add an article
the south
show examples
 of Iran that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have drinking water and has the most rate of young human who immigrated to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. the most appropriate remedy whereby residents of
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 could overcome
this
 predicament. In the
first
 place is the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should distribute the suitable facilities
such
 as
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
, shops,
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 and
son
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
 on in the place where are less development. It can be realized ,if the policies man
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have enough pay attention to the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
areas
, it would lead to
immigration
Correct article usage
the immigration
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 many people to
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. It is
clearly
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that people attempt to get
standard
Correct article usage
a standard
show examples
 situation for living. So it is
foremost
Add an article
a foremost
the foremost
show examples
 item to any governments that allocated the budget to whole zones in their country without
discrimenation
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 , due to the fact that it can prevent to leaving
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
.
such
 as building the hospital. developed the instructions of standard living. I would like to close
this
 argument. some young people
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their hometowns to get the opportunity to work and
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the places that are developed ,
also
 the governments should pay attention to whole
areas
 at the same. I
recommeded
Correct your spelling
recommended
 the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 have to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 interesting the countrysides
Submitted by k.seydi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: