IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports is better like tennis and swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue playing individual
sports
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such
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 as tennis has more advantages.
However
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, others myself included
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that attending company
sports
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 with a higher proportion of
players
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such
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 as football is more beneficial for individuals in long run.
This
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 essay shall examine both sides in the forthcoming paragraphs. Some
people
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toprefer
Correct your spelling
prefer
to prefer
 do individual
sports
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 like playing tennis as
this
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 sort of
sports
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 game tends to be easier as they do not need many
players
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 and can be played whenever the person wants without searching for many attenders to play with.
For instance
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, athletes could do swimming by themselves only at any time of the day they like as many hours they want per day.
This
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 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
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 sort of sport does not need so many
people
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 they are more convenient and a person could play at any time and with her own peace without worrying about her performance as any failure will concern her only. On the flip side, some say group
sports
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 have more advantages as they help build new friendships and improve teamwork skills. Consider Football as an example, it needs eleven
players
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 for each gameplay and if every member of the team does not cooperate with another player the whole team will suffer.
Therefore
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,
players
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 not only improve their overall health but they upgrade their communication and team-working skills as
members
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 who influence all other
members
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.
Also
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,
people
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 have a bigger chance of socialising than individual
sports
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. As group teams demand the participation of
members
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 and because of a higher number of
members
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players
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 in
this
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 sort of sport could build friendships and specialize. In conclusion, even though,
sports
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 which need fewer athletics have some benefits but I think group
sports
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 have more positive effects as they develop our teamwork skills and help us to socialize better, other than other benefits in our health condition.
Submitted by parafik on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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