IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether to admit adverse circumstances in life or to endeavour to improve the condition In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to examine the given question from both points of view and
then
Linking Words
 explain why I believe that the position can be changed with the passage of time depending on the determination and hardworking in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 With, There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant is that undoubtedly
hardworking
Replace the word
hard work
show examples
 is the key to success and everything is possible in
this
Linking Words
 world it is solely reliant on effort and can alter the verse circumstances.
for instance
Linking Words
, world history
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicates
show examples
 that all
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 prominent persons
modify
Wrong verb form
modified
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and achieved their targets by elevating the struggle.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
Linking Words
, when only one follows
such
Linking Words
 a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
Linking Words
 learning these attributes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 dedication and perseverance.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result, it is apparent why many are in favour of hardworking. to cite an example, success always comes from the level of effort and strong standout in order to thrive and conquer.
Finally
Linking Words
, to recapitulate, the aforementioned arguments, I would like to restate my position that the benefits of struggle are indeed too great to ignore the disappointment and in the current age, there is no need to accept bad situations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Incoherent structure in some parts of the essay. Introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. Main points need stronger support.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but lacks depth and clarity. Ideas are not thoroughly developed. Examples provided are not very relevant.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: