Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not require technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that the number of
the population
Check wording
people
show examples
engaging in hobbies with electronic devices worldwide incredibly rocketed. Certain individuals think that it offers merits to their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Others state that hobbies which are without technology are the best way to engage. In my opinion,
however
Linking Words
, I sit on the latter view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay explores the pros and cons of both statements. On the one hand, an increasing number of adults are downloading programs on their own
either
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
on mobile phones or laptops and
entertaining
Verb problem
are entertaining
show examples
excessively.
This
Linking Words
is because nowadays anyone
easily can
Correct word order
can easily
show examples
access what they most convenient.
For example
Linking Words
, they prefer every now and
then
Linking Words
to click
out
Change preposition
on
show examples
what is on television
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
some individuals play computer games excessively, even though they enjoy those activities
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
simultaneously,
this
Linking Words
staying
inactively
Replace the word
inactive
show examples
in one place leads to isolating themselves without social interaction face to face. It only requires
to have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
online facilities.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngsters develop some mental health issues
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
as anxiety or depression mentally and diabetes or obesity
physically
Punctuation problem
, physically
show examples
. Another major issue is that when young children are addicted to their electronic devices, they simultaneously
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
ignore their studies.
This
Linking Words
is
due to
Linking Words
their
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
and seeking what will happen to the next episode for their favourite characters in the film or to win the game.
For instance
Linking Words
, some of the episodes
run
Verb problem
have
show examples
similar meanings
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, they continue watching the next parts and only waste hours and hours unnecessarily. The child who does
such
Linking Words
behaviour does not get time for his study
as well as
Linking Words
his proper sleep
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
he goes next day to school without homework
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
he can be absent many days
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
nonetheless
Linking Words
, it automatically gives lower scores
at the end
Linking Words
of the semester.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
doing
this
Linking Words
using some type of technology, he entertains them in his room alone at the same time, he misses the chance to interact with his family. For
explanation
Check wording
example
show examples
, those who
are continues
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
watching movies might be refused to go out for even an important family gathering. As an example, teenagers can
be postponed
Verb problem
miss
show examples
valuable family moments and resulting in a drop in the connection with siblings and parents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when someone does physical activities as a hobby that it develops a proper social unique network
due to
Linking Words
interaction with different age groups and
resulting
Replace the word
results
show examples
in mental relaxation, which
also
Linking Words
enhances physical fitness.
For example
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
World Health
Organization
Use the right word
Organisation
show examples
announced
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that the year 2022 reduced the amount of cardiovascular disease soon after starting gyms
due to
Linking Words
the lockdown situation of the
Covid-19
Use the right word
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic. Another positive point is that those who participate in regular activities
such
Linking Words
as cycling, swimming or ball sports that
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
show examples
sound
Verb problem
get sound
show examples
sleep without any disturbances
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
to be fresh the next day.
This
Linking Words
is because of the refreshment of the hormonal system in the body. To illustrate, sporty adults do exercise regularly
according to
Linking Words
their schedules
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
most of them are healthier. In conclusion,
nevertheless
Linking Words
these days, people are entering to do hobbies differently from the past decades, now, vastly they are playing on their gadgets and it is offering many health issues in lives,
as well as
Linking Words
, that children isolate themselves and it generates to end with educational problems which will affect their future and away from their family bond, but it is very important to consider into account when it comes to physically.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion but could be stronger by clearly stating your opinion earlier and simplifying your language.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are mixed up or not clearly linked, which makes it harder to follow your argument. Try to organize your ideas better and link them with clear phrases.
task achievement
You could add more specific examples to support your ideas. This would make your arguments more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
content
You clearly present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
content
Your conclusion sum up the points well, reiterating your opinion on the issue.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: