In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

In some countries
a
Change the article
the
show examples
number of delinquencies committed by juveniles are increasing,
that is
why humanity considers that all crimes despite their age should receive equal
judgment
Replace the word
justice
show examples
. Actually, I agree with
this
statement and to my
mind
Add a comma
,mind
show examples
the sentence should be for all
people
. I am going to give a couple of arguments. 
First
of all, the punishment was made to avoid dangerous situations and to improve the lives of
people
because crime is dreadful.
Thus
,
people
who made an atrocity can think about their decision and maybe choose the right side. In
this
situation, teenagers are encouraged to commit a crime, because they know that their punishments will be light.
For instance
, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country where drugs are
illegal
Add a comma
,illegal
show examples
a young person sold
this
stuff and he didn't bear the blame. So, adults and children should be punished equally which is independent of their ages.
Secondly
, after their
punishment
Add a comma
,punishment
show examples
they can realize that wrongdoing is nasty. In my opinion, it is the main point why not only adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
teens have to go to prison after their
offense
Fix the agreement mistake
offenses
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the harsher the punishment will be, the better it will be for little ones. I support the opinions of the myriad
people
who commit similar crimes. It is
also
good to make the same legislation in the world to reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of misdeeds. In conclusion, I would like to say that only judgment can stop crime in the world and it's the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
way to achieve world peace.
Submitted by Alexandrdr.35 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: