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Band 6

People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
Many
people
 believe that the
fact
 that
people
 should look after their
health
 for personal benefit,rather than as a duty to society. In my opinion opening,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with
this
 view for several reasons.  The main reason why I believe that
people
 should take care of their
health
 for personal benefits is that
people
 who have good
health
 can work productively. In
fact
, these
people
 build a healthy lifestyle and have positive thinking.
This
 means that they could earn large sums of money, so they may be saving up for a long time or buying what they like.
For example
, reports show that officers usually go gyms to where they can keep fit and boost their immune system, and their salary is higher than the other.  Another reason why I hold
this
 view is that a
country
 where the rate of
people
 dying from the disease is not high is a developed
country
. In
fact
, a number of sick
people
 are easy failing to make ends meet because they do not have enough
health
 to work.
This
 means that the government of those countries doesn't need to spend a lot of money, which can help patients receive treatments.
For example
, the
fact
 that Sweden, where there is the rate of
people
 suffering from cancer is the lowest in the world results in a
country
 of happiness  In conclusion, I strongly believe that
people
 take care of their
health
instead
 of duty to society because the working productivity of
people
 with good
health
 and a
country
 where
people
 are less sick is developing.
Submitted by bkarn5422 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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