IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, while others disagree. What is your opinion?

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A highly controversial issue today relates to whether online adverts are advantageous for the audience or not. There is no denying the fact that commercials are enhancing a person's knowledge in numerous aspects. I firmly agree and withstand the given notion.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on my visions in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 With, There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant is that undoubtedly advertisements are designed to cater to the customer's demands and provide core information about a product's ingredients.
for instance
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, A global report indicated that more than 70% of sales solely rely on advertisements
in addition
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 to
this
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, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
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, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
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, when only one follows
such
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 a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
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 learning these attributes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 dedication and perseverance.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result, it is apparent why many are in favour of adverts owing to plenty of information. to cite an example in order to stimulate awareness about the rising concern regarding cancer and its causes World
health organization
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Health Organization
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 each year
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 millions of dollars on commercials to educate
peoples
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people
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.
Finally
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, to recapitulate the aforementioned arguments, I would like to restate my position that the benefits of
tv
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TV
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 commercials are indeed too great to ignore the disadvantages of any products in the current age there is no doubt these kinds of adverts are vital for the folk and provides helpful information.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more focused and clearly state the writer's position. Start with an attention-grabbing introduction that clearly presents the topic and your opinion. End with a conclusion that restates your position and summarizes your main points.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the general topic, but the response could be more specific and focused. Ensure that all ideas are relevant to the topic. Provide clear examples and supporting details to strengthen your arguments. Use specific examples related to TV advertisements to support your points.
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