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Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Music
 is a special
language
 of the
world
. It is often claimed that
music
 can connect
people
 with different cultural
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 and age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
 statement. The reasons are what I will be looking at in
this
 piece.
To begin
 with, everyone can learn
music
. Children may start to learn
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
 in their childhood, while
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 may enjoy their life
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 learning how to play
cello
Change the article
the cello
show examples
 after retirement. It is not fun to have a solo play in the
music
world
. Enjoying your
music
 with others is always fascinating.
For instance
, in
home
Correct pronoun usage
my home
show examples
 town, there is a violin team with adolescents and old
people
, they practice together
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every weekend and they perform in a community centre once per month.
In addition
,
music
 is an amazing tool to express your mind. Western and Eastern
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 to play. Classic
music
 in
western
Add an article
the western
show examples
world
 is elegant and emotional, just like
try
Change the form of the verb
trying
show examples
 to depict a picture or tell a story. Eastern style is much more powerful, so as to show the strength of their race. Both of them are showing their unique culture to the
world
. In
Eastern
Correct article usage
the Eastern
show examples
world
,
Madarin
Correct your spelling
Mandarin
 is a
propular
Correct your spelling
popular
language
, while English is the most widely used
language
 in Western.
However
,
music
 is a common
language
 for all of them. To sum up, I wholeheartedly believe that
music
 is a great
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 to link
people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages and promote traditional culture for
people
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others.
Submitted by kuru on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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