Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Music

is a special

language

of the

world

. It is often claimed that

music

can connect

people

with different cultural

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

and age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

. I completely agree with

this

statement. The reasons are what I will be looking at in

this

piece.

To begin

with, everyone can learn

music

. Children may start to learn

playing

Change the verb form

to play

show examples

piano

Change the article

the piano

show examples

in their childhood, while

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

may enjoy their life

with

Change preposition

show examples

learning how to play

cello

Change the article

the cello

show examples

after retirement. It is not fun to have a solo play in the

music

world

. Enjoying your

music

with others is always fascinating.

For instance

, in

home

Correct pronoun usage

my home

show examples

town, there is a violin team with adolescents and old

people

, they practice together

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every weekend and they perform in a community centre once per month.

In addition

music

is an amazing tool to express your mind. Western and Eastern

music

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

different

Add an article

a different

show examples

style

Fix the agreement mistake

styles

show examples

to play. Classic

music

western

Add an article

the western

show examples

world

is elegant and emotional, just like

try

Change the form of the verb

trying

show examples

to depict a picture or tell a story. Eastern style is much more powerful, so as to show the strength of their race. Both of them are showing their unique culture to the

world

. In

Eastern

Correct article usage

the Eastern

show examples

world

Madarin

Correct your spelling

Mandarin

is a

propular

Correct your spelling

popular

language

, while English is the most widely used

language

in Western.

However

music

is a common

language

for all of them. To sum up, I wholeheartedly believe that

music

is a great

mean

Fix the agreement mistake

means

show examples

to link

people

Change preposition

show examples

different ages and promote traditional culture for

people

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

others.

Submitted by kuru on Wed Jun 01 2022

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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Some people believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try an improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.