IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. why do many working people ant get enough exercise? what can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health #ant
The number
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not pay attention
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
health
 at the workplace or in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
 time. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of factors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
, but
certain
Add an article
the certain
show examples
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 could alleviate
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
. There are several items of
this
. If I had to pick the most prominent of which. I would probably go for the policies of
companies ‘s
Remove the s
companies'
show examples
 managers. In fact , increasing the incoming their business is foremost of workers
health
.
Although
 their profit is elevating in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time , the employees satisfying is decreasing in
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time.
Consequently
 ,they
are reduced
Change the verb form
have reduced
show examples
 their personnel efficiency by wrong
decided
Replace the word
decisions
show examples
.
For example
 in my
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, when my boss invited his clerks to
walking
Change the verb form
walk
show examples
, the
health
 grad of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 race was growing.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies are not equipped
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 appropriate gyms
this
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
building a gym needs to spend so much money .
for instance
,
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a lot of facilities. The most suitable remedy whereby a people could overcome
this
 quandary. In the
first
 place, the heads have to take into account their personnel . one of the most important
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 to encourage to exercise is allocate the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of extra work hours for a person who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 sport. Another way forward could be
create
Fix the infinitive
to create
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places
Correct the article-noun agreement
place
show examples
 to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 activities that
useful
Add a missing verb
are useful
show examples
 for refreshing and fitness . namely, pool, stadium to play football, and so on. I would like to close my argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while considering the
health
 depends on
selfish
Replace the word
selfishness
show examples
, managers are able
encourage
Add the particle
to encourage
show examples
 their people who work to do exercise
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their attitudes. I recommended the companies build a place to do exercise.
Submitted by k.seydi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: