IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for people who visit such places?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that owing to cutting-edge technology, folk can travel to the other side of the world to remote sites which are not visited by many.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some are of the opinion that going to
little known
Add a hyphen
little-known

It seems that little known is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
 areas brings about many drawbacks in terms of the lack of safety and security there are those who disagree entirely believing that it is a better way to broaden their vision and gain myriad experiences. Which of the two aforementioned schools of thought offers more rewards? I will discuss both negatives and positives of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 trend with supporting examples herein. On
one
Correct article usage
the one

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 hand, travelling to unusual lands allows for the learning of new cultures which are totally different from one's own culture.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, South Sudan which is situated in Africa has an uncommon belief because they use cattle as a symbol of social status.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they don’t spend money but use the number of cows
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when communities go to regions with difficult situations
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as extremely hot or cold weather or unfamiliar food, they may learn how to survive in daunting environments.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is apparent that society can reap all the benefits of international roaming.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, planning a trip to distant spots may result in a plethora of dangerous events
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 robberies and accidents ,especially for beginners who cannot tackle these problems by themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many may spend a great deal of money on preparing a trip in order to hire local guides,
buy
Correct word choice
and buy

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 safety devices and travelling insurance.
As a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the public
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces

It seems that the verb face does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 numerous challenges when going to secluded zones.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 , there are clearly pluses and minuses of taking trips to far states.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they have new experiences and have a propensity to be more open to different cultures, they may encounter harsh environments. If everybody has a fear of making a journey to hidden areas, society will be more isolated and may have less empathy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Develop a clearer and more direct response to the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and structured introduction and conclusion for the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: