IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career. Some say that parents have to quit their jobs to raise their children. Some, however, think that it is okay to have a full-time while raising children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#parents #balance #career #say #jobs #children
More and more
parents
 are struggling with work and family balance. While it is widely claimed that they should resign from their careers to take care of their
children
, some argue that they can do a full-time job. Both points of view and the reason why I believe that it is okay to have a job will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it might seem sensible for some to believe that
parents
 have to quit their profession and should focus on their childhood, seeing that they play an essential role in a young's learning in order to develop their skills. Many mothers and fathers,
for example
, decide to leave their workforce to take homeschooling aiming to build stronger relationships with their
children
. From
this
 perspective, it is comprehensible why some would argue that leaving a profession is the solution to raising their
children
.
On the other hand
, opponents of
this
 idea might propose that many
parents
 have full-time jobs, while they take care of their
children
.
To put
Fix the infinitive
Put
show examples
in other words
, they aim to get a more decent salary to support their financial family. Take CNN news,
for instance
; in the digital era, they have been portraying many companies, which are becoming increasingly changing to more flexible working from everywhere.
Therefore
, a permanent profession can be considered an integral balance in their life. Personally, I would argue in favour of full-time work, as
this
 can help
parents
 to achieve a balance between family and career. To illustrate, employers should assign a reasonable workload and encourage their staff to spend more time with their family, and they should focus on the effective results and create more opportunities for their staff to achieve management between family and career, like organizing family day events and providing more holidays. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that
parents
 have a responsibility to take care of their
children
, I am of the opinion that their professions are
also
 crucial for them to fulfil their
children
, and lead to manage their working and family appropriately.
Submitted by marisa.ge789 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: