A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans ,while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs ,including uses for food and research.

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Animals
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' right has become a topical issue in recent time. An
Increasing
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increasing

Increasing does not appear to be a proper noun. Consider lowercasing it.

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number of persons are of the opinion that
animals
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should be treated with dignity, as they have
Correct article usage
the same

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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same
Correct your spelling
some

The word same doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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fundamental rights as the people, while others believe that they are to be used by
humans
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for nourishment and for scientific purposes. There are valid points on both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides

It seems that side may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of the debate and
this
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essay will be discussing them and give a concluding opinion.* *On the one hand, those who argue that
animals
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should not be exploited by people, do so because of the belief that these creatures experience pain as a human does. They believe that when we kill or carry out experiments on
animals
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, they feel severe pain and suffering that equates
that
Change preposition
to that

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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of
humans
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
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, a study carried out in the US , showed that for each animal killed in the wild, about 3 of its
first
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degree relatives die within weeks. To the proponents of
this
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idea, the evidence is convincing.* *
On the other hand
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, those who believe that
animals
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should be used by human as they please, cite the fact these creatures
helps
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help

The verb helps does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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in
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving

It appears that life saving is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research

It seems that researches may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which cannot be carried out on
humans
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. Since it is ethically wrong to test new medicines directly on
humans
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, most novel drugs and vaccines are
first
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

tested on some
animals
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in other to ascertain their viability.
For instance
Linking Words

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, the cholera vaccine was
first
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tested on rats in other to know if it is safe for human consumption.
Also
Linking Words

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for a country to progress,
she
Correct pronoun usage
it

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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needs healthy citizens and consuming
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as part of a nourishment guarantees that. Animal exploitation is
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a positive event.* *In conclusion, despite the fact that
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may
poses
Change the verb form
pose

The verb poses after the modal verb may does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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some humanlike feelings , their roles in drug research and nutrition would make me support the fact they must be employed to meet various human needs.*
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exploitation
  • Animal welfare
  • Ethical treatment
  • Vegetarianism
  • Veganism
  • Cognitive dissonance
  • Humane
  • Live stock
  • Cruelty-free
  • Bioethics
  • Conservation
  • Habitat preservation
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Animal testing
  • Synthetic biology
  • Genetic engineering
  • Speciesism
  • Animal husbandry
  • Sustainable farming
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