IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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The given line charts display
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of electrical appliances which
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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 own and
a
Correct article usage
the
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 time of people doing housework per week.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is plain to see that all categories of electrical
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 over
a
Change the article
an
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 89-year period. In more detail, The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 increased sharply, from 0% to 90%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the data reached a peak in 1980
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and remained stable between 1980 and 2019.
Also
Linking Words
, there was a gradual growth in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
vacuum
Add an article
a vacuum
the vacuum
show examples
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increasing
20
Change preposition
of 20
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%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every 20 years
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached a high in 2000. The presentation of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 saw
a
Change the article
the
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 highest number at the beginning,
however
Linking Words
, the data only rose gradually. The number of hour
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on housework
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a marked dip, from 50 to 20 hours, between 1920 and 1960.
Then
Linking Words
, the number had a slight decrease over a 59-year period.
To sum up
Linking Words
, with the growing
percentage
Use synonyms
 of using electrical appliances, the time
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend on housework
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 lower.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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