IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?

#prison #system #criminals #felons #crimes #address
Over the
last
 few
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
 the crime rate has gradually increased across the globe.Even though there are various
prison
 systems which are being used to reform the
criminals
 but
this
 was not implemented strictly.Due to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 ineffective
prioson
Correct your spelling
prison
 reform
activities
Add a comma
,activities
show examples
 the
criminals
 are again
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 some serious crimes . I will be
discusiing
Correct your spelling
discussing
 the problems in brief.
Firstly
, there are no proper laws to be imposed on
criminals
 as part of their punishment. One of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 could be officials are failed to control and act strictly on the
criminals
.
In addition
 to
this
 criminal who has more power and money are able to receive special
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
 from jail officers. To add to
this
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no proper system which tracks the progress of reforming
activity
Correct article usage
the activity
show examples
 of individual criminal. I believe the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
proble
Correct your spelling
problem
 is to cleanse the entire law and sections of
prison
Add an article
the prison
show examples
 system.
Correct your spelling
Government
Goverment
Correct article usage
The goverment
show examples
 should bring
such
 new laws that even a criminal could not think of
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 any new crime. All the access to
Correct your spelling
outside
outsde
Correct article usage
the outsde
show examples
 world could be cur completely.
Correct your spelling
Government
Goverment
Correct article usage
The goverment
show examples
 should conduct some personality development classes and make them
understnad
Correct your spelling
understand
 the
seroius
Correct your spelling
serious
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of their crime. To conclude, the only best and
posiible
Correct your spelling
possible
 way to reform
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal is to make them
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
realiize
Correct your spelling
realize
 their mistakes .
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
criminals
 should understand how to make their life better again by doing the good things. Along with
this
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should implement strict
rulesnon
Correct your spelling
rules on
rules
 the
prison
systemsand
Correct your spelling
systems and
 track
theit
Correct your spelling
their
the
that
 progress frequently.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 the
prison
 system should bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new hope into
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
show examples
 life.
Submitted by jlv.sapmm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: