IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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Nowadays, it seems hard for some
people
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 to stay loyal to their jobs.
In other words
Linking Words
, they change their
career
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 to find
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 in their lives.
Altohugh
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Although
 some experts might believe that changing the
career
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 may result in having more
job
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satisfaction
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, I strongly believe that changing
career
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Use synonyms
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
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 frequently will definitely have reverse effects. In the following paragraphs, we will analyze how keeping our
career
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path
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on
Change preposition
in
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 a constant way leads us to peace and
satisfaction
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who do a
job
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 for a long
time
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, obtain more
experience
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 in their profession.
Cosequently
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Consequently
, the more
experience
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 they have, the better situation they reach in their workplace.
For instance
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, many
people
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 who run their own business or many employees who are working in companies for a long
time
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, are counted as experts in their professions. The point is that they have been working
in
Change preposition
on
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 a certain
career
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path
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 for a long
time
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. In fact, if they changed their
career
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 frequently, they would not be
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in their jobs so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they could not get high salaries. In conclusion, being
loyalty
Replace the word
loyal
show examples
 to a profession would result in
job
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satisfaction
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.
Secondly
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, starting a new
career
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 always demands fresh knowledge.
Thus
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,
people
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 who tend to change their
career
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path
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 might need to gain base knowledge related to their new
job
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. In fact, they have to pay money and spend
time
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 to reach an acceptable level
to begin
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 a new
career
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.
Therefore
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, changing
career
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path
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 frequently
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has
a huge financial expenses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge financial expense
huge financial expenses
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.
Linking Words
Also
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,Also
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 it might have some moral expenses.
For example
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, getting a new
job
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 will result in changing workplace and being apart from old coworkers
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may not be satisfying for many. To summarize,
although
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 some
people
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 assume that changing
creer
Correct your spelling
career
path
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 frequently may lead them to find their dream
job
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, I think that staying
loyalty
Replace the word
loyal
show examples
 to a
career
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 and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 more
experience
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 about it helps us to become professional in our
career
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes us
to
Change the verb form
apply
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have more income and
consequently
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 feel more
job
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satisfaction
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. An effective way to help future
generation
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generations
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 in their
career
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path
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 is to help youth in university and school to find their favourite
career
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 as soon as possible.
Therefore
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, they can plan for it and gain enough
experience
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.
Submitted by mehrad.aghaei on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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