IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

CARING FOR CHILDREN IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN ANY SOCIETY. BECAUSE OF THIS, ALL MOTHERS AND FATHERS SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO TAKE A COURSE THAT PREPARES THEM TO BE GOOD PARENTS.TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS VIEW?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #course #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To create a good balance between job and caring for offspring.it is said that patriarchs must join youngster caring classes . I
also
Linking Words
 believe that the above given suggestion is fruitful for both children and Parents. Due to
this
Linking Words
 a child become Healthy whereas they can work easily.but somehow if they live with their senior joining
such
Linking Words
 training league is having less important learning about child-caring will help parents to grow babies healthy ;
Hence
Linking Words
 these grades mainly teach them about various sicknesses. In detail they tough them about the origin of many infections and flu which
also
Linking Words
 helps them get to know about the Symptoms of
these flu
Change the determiner
this flu
these flus
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
first
Linking Words
 aid technique will
also
Linking Words
 help them Cure the virus.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 these leagues instruct them about nutritious foods and beverages.As a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result offspring suffer from fewer infections; their body is fit and fine whereas strong Immunity power will
also
Linking Words
 help teenagers to remain healthy Another point , These training sections help them to do their job easily. During these times most of the people feel a lot of mental pressure and busy timetable
Therefore
Linking Words
 these Coaching help them to balance their work and home lineup
moreover
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 learn about various meditation and Joga techniques so they wouldn't think that their chart is messed up.
On the Contrary
Linking Words
 , Most Indian citizens live with their veterans So there would be less necessity to join
such
Linking Words
 a division , because seniors are familiar with difficulties because they suffer from these problems while raising their babies so they can help them root out
Such
Linking Words
 difficulties even though they are
also
Linking Words
 families with home remedies,
for instance
Linking Words
 around one year ago my Sister's baby suffer from dehydration he was only two or three months old due to
this
Linking Words
 he was ventilated in ICU for some days after getting out of ICU he was normal , a few days later he started showing same Symptoms , at that time my mother help her with home remedies
as a result
Linking Words
 baby was getting healthier day by day which youth care classes wouldn't teach To sum up , learning about child Care will help people to raise minors healthy, whereas they can
also
Linking Words
 balance their schedule, but older ones are more knowledgeable than childcare
Submitted by stenisidhu.003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: