IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend?

#malls #places #leisure #time #people #trend
In the modern
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 market
complexes
 have become a place for socialising and relaxing. These
malls
 are highly modernized and
fulfilles
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
fulfils
 the commodity and the service requirements of modern shoppers.
Thus
,
people
 have turned
this
 shopping
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 into relishing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
 and reunions.
On the other hand
, several years back the shopping
complexes
 were only visited when required.
Although
 it is considered a negative trend, with the modernization of the society and
people
 becoming very busy I think there is a positive effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the society. Market
complexes
 are
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
 with many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 and products for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moden
Correct your spelling
modern
 day shoppers.
Such
 as banks, groceries,
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and a variety of outlets
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be seen in
malls
.
Additionally
, they
also
 have places for entertainment
such
 as cinemas and
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 play areas. In the local
scenario
Add a comma
,scenario
show examples
 Kandy City Center is one of the best examples, where
people
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any ages visit and enjoy to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the indoor environment is not
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by the outside climate conditions when
people
 are
resticted
Correct your spelling
restricted
 with
time
.
Therefore
,
this
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an ideal place for
people
 to gather and spend some free
time
 while fulfilling their needs. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, several decades back
malls
 were not diversified and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 provided only a limited number of outlets for goods and services to the
upper level
Add a hyphen
upper-level
show examples
 society.
Therefore
, only a limited crowd visited as the price of goods and services were high and the general public could not
afford
Correct pronoun usage
themafford
show examples
. I can recall when Majestic City
was opened
Change the verb form
has opened
show examples
 in Colombo in the late 90s the best brand of
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 were available.
Therefore
, there was less crowd that visited the place, but now it has converted into a location that facilitates
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all types of
people
. To conclude, it is certain that shopping
complexes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 changed dramatically over the past years and at
present
Add a comma
,present
show examples
 it has become a community hub where
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 visits and
meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
show examples
 each other.
Therefore
, my view is that
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
people
 spend more
time
 in
malls
 it is an important location for socialization too.
Submitted by rashikag2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: