IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 some
parents
Use synonyms
 can buy their
children
Use synonyms
 whatever they ask, and give them permission for whatever they want, I believe
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon will lead them in bad ways. The consequences would be an impact on their ability to respond to their life and they will
very
Add a missing verb
be very
show examples
 dependent on their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are always receiving whatever they want will lack responsibility for their own lifestyle. As they are getting older, they need to find a job which demands a lot of
accountable
Replace the word
accountability
show examples
 and demanding
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in the office. If
children
Use synonyms
 always
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
privilege treat
Replace the word
privileged treatment
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
, it is hard to be responsible even for a tiny responsibility in their career life.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my colleagues, Tony, decided to resign because his supervisor asked him to work overtime during the weekend
due to
Linking Words
 an urgent project. Because of that, his company bear a lot of loss because of the delayed projects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to receive whatever they want can impact their accountability and performance in their
work-life
Correct your spelling
work life
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will have
such
Linking Words
 dependence on their
parents
Use synonyms
 because they cannot do everything by themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to build friendships,
relationships
Correct word choice
and relationships
show examples
 and
how behaving
Wrong verb form
behave
show examples
 in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they
matured
Wrong verb form
mature
show examples
 enough
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 married, they will have the anxiety to start a relationship with their couple because they will leave their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation will commonly happen if
children
Use synonyms
 depend on their
parents
Use synonyms
 all the time. With all the consequences above, I am certain that a parenting style which gives too much freedom to their
children
Use synonyms
 is not a good parenting method.
To conclude
Linking Words
, certain
parents
Use synonyms
 teach their
children
Use synonyms
 by granting whatever they ask when raising their
children
Use synonyms
, I think
this
Linking Words
 condition will lead them to unsatisfactory circumstances and impact their capacity to be responsible and less dependable in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of the essay to ensure a coherent and logical flow of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed, and provide relevant examples to support your points. Develop your ideas more fully to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: