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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #qualities #person #today’s #world #university #institution
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Nowadays, receiving a bachelor's degree is crucial to getting a well-paid job.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that professors and teachers at universities can not teach students how to become successful in the community. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to attend school to accomplish their goals in life if it is not in line with their aspirations.
For example
Linking Words
, Steve Jobs who was the founder of the company "Apple" and one of the richest
people
Use synonyms
 in the 2000s, dropped out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college because he was not interested in the subjects he learned despite
this
Linking Words
 he continued to follow his goals
Secondly
Linking Words
, most companies these days place priority on employees’
experience
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 and personalities which universities and colleges may not provide them. In fact, working
experience
Use synonyms
 is often achieved/ accumulated through practical tasks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, what they should do is
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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find a job and get more hands-on
experience
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some jobs
such
Linking Words
 as lawyers and doctors require
people
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 to have a license to be accepted, if these lawyers and doctors do not have practical
experience
Use synonyms
, they might
cause
Verb problem
make
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 several mistakes when doing their tasks In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are many
people
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 who succeed, they need to study at the university because they can learn the specific knowledge that they need.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that there are
also
Linking Words
 many
people
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 who gain
successful
Correct your spelling
success and
show examples
 do not need to learn from a university because
experience
Use synonyms
 and skill are more necessary
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

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coherence cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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