Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, receiving a bachelor's degree is crucial to getting a well-paid job.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
some
people
consider that professors and teachers at universities can not teach students how to become successful in the community. I totally agree with
this
statement
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
some reasons First of all,
people
do not need to attend school to accomplish their goals in life if it is not in line with their aspirations.
For example
, Steve Jobs who was the founder of the company "Apple" and one of the richest
people
in the 2000s, dropped out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college because he was not interested in the subjects he learned despite
this
he continued to follow his goals
Secondly
, most companies these days place priority on employees’
experience
and personalities which universities and colleges may not provide them. In fact, working
experience
is often achieved/ accumulated through practical tasks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
Therefore
, what they should do is
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
find a job and get more hands-on
experience
.
Moreover
,
although
some jobs
such
as lawyers and doctors require
people
to have a license to be accepted, if these lawyers and doctors do not have practical
experience
, they might
cause
Verb problem
make
show examples
several mistakes when doing their tasks In conclusion,
although
there are many
people
who succeed, they need to study at the university because they can learn the specific knowledge that they need.
However
, I strongly believe that there are
also
many
people
who gain
successful
Correct your spelling
success and
show examples
do not need to learn from a university because
experience
and skill are more necessary
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion to your essay to frame your arguments and main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are adequately supported with relevant examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Focus on addressing the prompt directly and express your ideas clearly and comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: