IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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A part of the community contends about the negative influence of malls on society, especially in
youngters'
Correct your spelling
youngsters'
 lives, as they are spending too much of their spare time there. The paragraphs below will outline a complete disagreement toward
this
Linking Words
 trend explaining that these centres make it easy to make new friends, increase the cycle of interpersonal relationships, and encourage people to work and
study
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, the main reason why I do not consider that the youth spending too much time in shopping centres represents trouble is that malls can please all opinions and introduce new friends in the same environment.
For instance
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, as a place that has a myriad of collective entertainment businesses,
such
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 as bowling, theatres, and clothing stores, it encourages each individual to do something they like, and possibly meet a stranger with similar interests.
Therefore
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, it opens up the possibility for everyone to do something enjoyable and increases the chances of developing a lifelong relationship with an unknown person just by walking by or waiting in the same line.
Furthermore
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, another cogent motive to justify why I do not believe that youngsters enjoying their whole leisure time in shopping areas is somehow noxious is
due to
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 the
multi-options
Correct your spelling
options
show examples
 of activities that it offers to the community. To illustrate, despite being an ally
to encourage
Change preposition
in encouraging
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 juveniles to develop social skills, it
also
Linking Words
 provides shared workrooms, libraries and print shops, allowing individuals to work,
study
Use synonyms
 and develop ideas. Many young people prefer to
study
Use synonyms
 in these facilities than at home owing to the structure and ambience it offers.
To conclude
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, I strongly disagree that shopping centres are impacting negatively the youth and society since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
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 families and friends to enjoy each other's company, to meet new people and to
study
Use synonyms
 and work if it is their desire.
Thus
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, malls provide entertainment and the possibility to concentrate on important labour activities.

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question prompt throughout. Include a clear position and support it with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The points are organized logically and coherently, but the connections between ideas need to be strengthened for better cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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