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Band 5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the past and present, the
performance
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 of the
student
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students
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 was better when they were motivated by different types of incentives. They apply themselves so that they can’t perform well. I support these changes and in
this
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 essay, I will present some reasons to indicate the benefits of
this
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 view.
Firstly
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,
students
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 who have been granted at school for their noteworthy
performance
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 have several benefits for their next
performance
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 in school subjects and future development.
For example
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, in most private schools
often
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apply
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after graduating, all children will be awarded
with
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apply
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honourable medals for their academic achievements.
This
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 can positively affect the
overall
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performance
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 of a student and can cause the development of a successful person.
On the other hand
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, when
students
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 are punished in a classroom, the amount of positive energy and thinking will decrease. They think to themselves that they can’t perform well. As an example, in the past, many schools applied different types of penalties when
students
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 disobeyed teachers or showed poor attendance at classes. Teachers punished
students
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 by putting them in the corner of a class for some time, giving them the command to raise chairs, and decreasing their marks.
This
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 has both short-term and long-term negative effects on the growing individual.
As a result
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,
such
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 children gain bad
characters
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character
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 and remain unhappy, dissatisfied, and sometimes nervous. In conclusion, it is my belief that better class
performance
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 in educational institutions will bring greater accomplishments in the long term for both
students
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 and society.
Additionally
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, it can contribute to the emergence of successful and mature individuals in the country.

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task response
Task Response: The essay covers the given question but lacks depth in discussing both views and giving a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and fails to provide a comprehensive discussion of the topic.
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