IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#students #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past and present, the
performance
Use synonyms
 of the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 was better when they were motivated by different types of incentives. They apply themselves so that they can’t perform well. I support these changes and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will present some reasons to indicate the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 view.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who have been granted at school for their noteworthy
performance
Use synonyms
 have several benefits for their next
performance
Use synonyms
 in school subjects and future development.
For example
Linking Words
, in most private schools
often
Rephrase
apply
show examples
after graduating, all children will be awarded
with
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
honourable medals for their academic achievements.
This
Linking Words
 can positively affect the
overall
Linking Words
performance
Use synonyms
 of a student and can cause the development of a successful person.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
students
Use synonyms
 are punished in a classroom, the amount of positive energy and thinking will decrease. They think to themselves that they can’t perform well. As an example, in the past, many schools applied different types of penalties when
students
Use synonyms
 disobeyed teachers or showed poor attendance at classes. Teachers punished
students
Use synonyms
 by putting them in the corner of a class for some time, giving them the command to raise chairs, and decreasing their marks.
This
Linking Words
 has both short-term and long-term negative effects on the growing individual.
As a result
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 children gain bad
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
 and remain unhappy, dissatisfied, and sometimes nervous. In conclusion, it is my belief that better class
performance
Use synonyms
 in educational institutions will bring greater accomplishments in the long term for both
students
Use synonyms
 and society.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can contribute to the emergence of successful and mature individuals in the country.
Submitted by sadokatik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay covers the given question but lacks depth in discussing both views and giving a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and fails to provide a comprehensive discussion of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: