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Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
 Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
Economic goals have become one of the priority goals of many countries.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 some people think that some other progress should be considered the same as economic development. I agree that economic expansion must be the main focus.
Firstly
, some authorities focus most of the country’s
budget
 on commerce and infrastructure.
For example
, in some countries, governments mainly focus on building roads and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 the amount of money invested
on
Change preposition
in
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 farming.
Therefore
, citizens noticed the improvement and enhancement of the traffic and the transportation.
Moreover
, the quality of education increased
as
Change preposition
with
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 the rise of money invested
on
Change preposition
in
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 infrastructure,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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 new schools have
been
Wrong verb form
were
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 built.
Therefore
, children have more chances to learn in modern, quality schools and especially at less cost.
Subsequently
,
citizen's
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
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 lives will be improved to get
a
Remove the article
apply
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better quality. To improve other segments, governments must stabilize their country’s economy. Without
this
, other segments will not have enough power to improve.
For instance
, some countries spend more than half of their financial
budget
 on the military, and other sectors only have a small amount of
budget
 invested
on
Change preposition
apply
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.
Moreover
, the
economics
Replace the word
economy
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 of the country decreases leading to regress across all sectors and lower exports due to the authorities' miss planning. In conclusion, economics is a priority sector that leads to the development of a country. Without it, other sectors will not have enough
budget
 to improve and advance. The table illustrates how many people visited Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year it was refurbished, while the pie charts give data about how visitors feel about their visit during the same two years.
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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