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Band 4

Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #art #music #people’s #lives #government #money
Drawing,
traditional
Correct word choice
and traditional
show examples
music
 is very important in every country. Without
art
, life would be very boring and dull. Though, some people believe that the
government
 should not lay money on these activities.
However
, I partially agree with the statement, there are ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons why
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend money on these areas, which would be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, If the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 does not spend money on
art
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 who would come and see the
art
 inside. The
government
 could not earn if they does not spend on it.
Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
show examples
 will not come and the
art
 museum,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has become the main source of income for the
government
.
For example
-
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 Taj Mahal in India, If the
government
 does not
redeveloped
Change the verb form
redevelop
show examples
 it, it could not have become the part of
seven
Correct article usage
the seven
show examples
 wonders of the world.
Secondly
,
art
,
music
Correct word choice
and music
show examples
 is the greatest entertainment nowadays. Life without
music
 cannot be even
decribed
Correct your spelling
described
 in the words.
Music
 has become
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the entrainment source that people like to attend concerts and like to listen to loud
music
 to forget their worries. If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 does not invest in
music
, it would be a great
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 for them. To sum up, it is extremely
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to take care of culture,
art
 and
music
 in one's nation. Without it, life is dark and dull with no psychological development and no escape
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental depression.
Therefore
, the importance of
this
 cannot be ignored.
Submitted by roohibhatti430 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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