IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives?

#people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #lives
Whether the
media
 is
breeching
Correct your spelling
breaching
show examples
 the personal
life
 of famous personalities is an issue that has brought mixed reactions from the public. Some
people
 believe that broadcasting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
people
's private
life
 must be continued to telecast.
Nonetheless
, in my opinion, it is completely justified that popular
people
 should be given some space because they
also
 possess a personal
life
. There are many reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
press
Add an article
the press
show examples
 is treating famous
people
 unequally. One clear reason
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from the fact that
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is not letting go of any opportunity to highlight anything related to artists.
For instance
- the
media
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
headlines about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous actor's personal affairs
such
 as their relationships publically.
Therefore
, if analyzed
proplerly
Correct your spelling
properly
, there is no argument
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the fact that
these famous person
Change the determiner
this famous person
these famous people
show examples
also
 deserve a normal
life
. These celebrities should be provided with more
privacy
. They cannot enjoy their freedom as wherever they go
media
 will follow them and telecast their
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
. They should hold
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 to
privacy
 and their lives should only
be interfered
Change to the active voice
interfere
have interfered
show examples
when
Change preposition
with when
show examples
 they want to share something publically.
On the other hand
, fame comes with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 price. These famous figures enjoy the fame given by
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
. Some
people
 allow publishers to invade
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personal
life
 in order to come into the limelight and take advantage of the fame. In conclusion, the idea of providing more
privacy
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 famous figure's
life
 is a questionable one. Many argue that these
people
 enjoy being rumoured.
Nevertheless
, I stand firm by my opinion that their
privacy
 should not be exploited for the sake of
media
.
Submitted by roohibhatti430 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: