Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #children #time #study

In order to develop socially and ,physically teenagers often go out in their leisure

time

.Many people believe, youngsters should study in their free

time

rather than just sitting idle whereas, some are of the opinion, that pupils can invest

this

time

in doing other activities. I strongly concur

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that students should be given an elbow room. In

this

essay, I will

further

elucidate my views.

To begin

with, teenagers nowadays, are often burdened by the herculean tasks in school so, they need some

time

to rejuvenate themselves and concentrate on things apart from studies.

For instance

, after school is over, children should be allowed to play or do whatever they desire as

this

will

further

help in increasing their productivity and they will learn new things.

Moreover

, studying more than required seldom disrupts the mind and hampers thinking too.

Furthermore

, students are forced to study more because of the competitive world they live in and due to parental pressure.

Additionally

, Parents can

also

help their children in developing their personality by making them learn different vocational skills or by joining any sports.

Similarly

, the government should

also

try and make certain regulations to help children promote different skills like organizing events or sports clubs which can be utilized by teenagers to develop properly.On top of that, leisure activities can

also

be organised which will help everyone interact socially and strengthen their bond. To sum up, surely studies are important for every individual but free

time

should not be used for studying and rather using it for various activities to increase overall development

Submitted by jain78013 on Wed Jun 08 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental effects
mental well-being
life skills
communication
teamwork
empathy
physical development
sedentary lifestyle
unstructured play
cognitive development
academic performance
fatigue
motivation
quality over quantity
work-life balance
time management
well-rounded personality

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