IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Environmental damage is the problem of most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, environmental degradation has been a burning issue among various nations. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 pressing matter results from certain dynamic socio-economic activities, and both the government and each individual should be accountable for any changes in the ecosystem.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are numerous underlying causes of environmental degradation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, overpopulation is growing so rapidly that it has been causing large-scale effects.
According to
Linking Words
 the planet's tension in its carrying capacity,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of available housing gives rise to massive deforestation to satisfy the need for proper accommodation.
Besides
Linking Words
, industrialization and other manufacturing activities are
also
Linking Words
 some major economic factors leading to environmental degradation. Numerous large industries are pumping untreated sewage into rivers and oceans, which significantly gives rise to water, air and land contamination. Humans impact the natural habitat in many ways and I suppose that both the authorities and civilians need to be in charge of their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 on the ecosystem. First and foremost, the government might be able to possess the widest approach in different societal and economic aspects by taking the lead using effective policies in order to form
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sustainable base of environmental conservation.
For instance
Linking Words
, the ministry could levy a tax on fuel consumption so as to limit energy use and lessen emissions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the public
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 responsible for their environmental input, and it is imperative that people should be self-aware enough to voluntarily join hands in the journey of preservation. In fact, there has been a growing trend to use biodegradable products
such
Linking Words
 as paper bags
instead
Linking Words
 of plastic items. In conclusion, the deterioration of the ecosystem is the result of countless human activities in social and economic aspects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, both governments and ordinary people have their own part of duty and nobody should blame the others just to shrug away the responsibility.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the task. The writer discusses the factors contributing to environmental degradation and assigns responsibility to both the government and individuals. However, the discussion could be more in-depth and include a wider range of factors and responsibilities. Provide a deeper analysis and explore alternative viewpoints to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good overview of the essay. The essay is adequately structured and flows logically. However, the use of transition words and cohesive devices could be strengthened to improve the overall coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph links cohesively to the next and that the connection between ideas is explicit.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: