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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #information #activities #development
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Now there is a prevailing trend of migrating personal
information
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 to the internet. In my opinion, despite some downsides related to cloud services, there are actually more benefits to be gained from
this
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. On one hand, people generally face some downsides. One drawback would be that the databases which store the data are not 100% secure. As a consequence, personal
information
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 which is held on the internet may be stolen or misused in some ways by cybercriminals, which causes not only property loss to clients but
also
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 reputation damage to the company. Another disadvantage is that online users are usually under considerable eye strain when using these, due to managing their bank accounts, shopping on Amazon and keeping in contact with colleagues and so on.
Therefore
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, people are prone to experience an increase in time of watching screens and suffer from eye disease.
On the other hand
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, I believe that online services can have access to more benefits. The
first
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 advantage of updating online personal
information
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 is that it allows the customer to have more opportunities to earn money. Take the bank as an example, having the
information
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 registered on the networking, the banking platform can utilize the advanced recommendation system to derive suitable products for customers, providing various chances for customers to gain profits. On top of that, customers can make more comfortable online purchases by putting their data on the platform. They may avoid time-consuming change-finding phases because their identification and payment methods have been linked since their
first
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 registration.
As a result
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, the shopping is sped up. To conclude,
although
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 the customer may suffer from some risks like online fraud, storing
information
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 online is an inevitable trend and we will acquire more convenience.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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