Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

Many would argue that wealthy

people

are considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

more successful ones than those who have positive impacts on

society

while others believe that social influence has greater value than

money

in terms of success.

This

essay will analyze both points of view and say why I believe that success is more related to the contribution to

society

than

money

. The main reason many believe that wealth

is equate

Change the verb form

is equated

show examples

with success is wealth allows

people

to satisfy their basic needs.

For

example

, even

people

Correct word choice

if people

show examples

are

Correct pronoun usage

who are

show examples

respectful and have a massive impact on

society

, they would feel depressed themselves if they are not able to afford to consume essential things like food, clothes or housing. Another reason is that prosperous individuals can focus on their priorities by outsourcing less important tasks. An

example

this

is rich

people

spend their time with family and take enough time with beloved ones by paying for services

doing

Correct word choice

and doing

show examples

miscellaneous works on

behalf

Correct pronoun usage

their behalf

show examples

of them.

However

, some say

money

affects only a single individual’s life, but one’s contribution to

society

can influence all over the world.

Scientist

Fix the agreement mistake

Scientists

show examples

for

example

, have saved millions of lives by developing vaccines to prevent diseases.

In addition

, efforts to contribute to

society

can affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

over the generation.

Nevertheless

money

only affects a person's life, but social influence extends to

people

all over the world.

For

example

, scientists have saved millions of lives by developing vaccines to prevent diseases.

Moreover

, efforts to contribute to

society

can

also

affect generations.

Taking

Wrong verb form

Take

show examples

Vincent Van Gogh, one of the most famous artists in the world,

for

example

, he was poor at the time, but he is still being remembered and influencing the current generation

Submitted by shoep11 on Wed Jun 08 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries today, crime novels and TV crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. Why do you think these books and TV shows are popular? What is your opinion of crime fiction and TV crime dramas?

Some expert believe that it is a better for children to begin learning of foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this out weigh the disadvantages.

Rich countries should not employ labour from poor countries because they need the workers more. Do you agree or disagree ?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and trainings are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.