Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many would argue that wealthy
people
are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more successful ones than those who have positive impacts on
society
while others believe that social influence has greater value than
money
in terms of success.
This
essay will analyze both points of view and say why I believe that success is more related to the contribution to
society
than
money
. The main reason many believe that wealth
is equate
Change the verb form
is equated
show examples
with success is wealth allows
people
to satisfy their basic needs.
For
example
, even
people
Correct word choice
if people
show examples
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
respectful and have a massive impact on
society
, they would feel depressed themselves if they are not able to afford to consume essential things like food, clothes or housing. Another reason is that prosperous individuals can focus on their priorities by outsourcing less important tasks. An
example
of
this
is rich
people
spend their time with family and take enough time with beloved ones by paying for services
doing
Correct word choice
and doing
show examples
miscellaneous works on
behalf
Correct pronoun usage
their behalf
show examples
of them.
However
, some say
money
affects only a single individual’s life, but one’s contribution to
society
can influence all over the world.
Scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
Scientists
show examples
,
for
example
, have saved millions of lives by developing vaccines to prevent diseases.
In addition
, efforts to contribute to
society
can affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
over the generation.
Nevertheless
,
money
only affects a person's life, but social influence extends to
people
all over the world.
For
example
, scientists have saved millions of lives by developing vaccines to prevent diseases.
Moreover
, efforts to contribute to
society
can
also
affect generations.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
Vincent Van Gogh, one of the most famous artists in the world,
for
example
, he was poor at the time, but he is still being remembered and influencing the current generation
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
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