Film stars and celebrities often share their views on public matters that have little to do with their profession. Is this a positive or negative development?

#film #stars #celebrities #matters #profession #development

The debate surrounding the

relation

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relationship

show examples

between money and happiness polarizes crowds.

Nonetheless

, the rate of

depressions

Fix the agreement mistake

depression

show examples

among VIPs has been drastically increasing. In light of the above, I strongly believe that in the pursuit of a longer, happier and

healtier

Correct your spelling

healthier

life, money concerns just a tiny fraction of the puzzle.

This

is why

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

many celebrities suffer from

this

condition which does not represent a

worth

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worthy

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compromise.

To begin

with, a luxurious lifestyle,

get

Wrong verb form

getting

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sponsorships

Remove the comma

apply

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and

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

VIP treatments are the dreams of each human being.

However

, most of the time behind these benefits are hidden several drawbacks.

A great deal of

Change the quantifier

A lot of

Many

Plenty of

show examples

people will be your friends just for convenience and the loneliness will spread. Emblematic is the example of Robin Williams, a widely popular actor in Hollywood.

Although

he had earned millions of dollars, he

suicided

Replace the word

suicide

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due to depression and solitude.

Therefore

, I am thoroughly convinced that money and happiness cannot be correlated.

In addition

, there are many examples of people who regret their simple lives. Being loved by your relatives and your friends concerns something that cannot be purchased.

For example

, celebrities have highlighted in many interviews that the price of success is a doubled

edge-sword

Correct your spelling

edge sword

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. On the one hand, it allows you to have astronomically high incomes.

On the other hand

, it alienates

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

you

show examples

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality which could be potentially hazardous for your mental health. For these reasons, I condemn the hidden side of success and I consider it blatantly unfair and not worthed. To conclude, I

am totally agree

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totally agree

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with the statement which

suggest

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suggests

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that many celebrities have unhappy lives due to their popularity. In fact, they attract many fake friends and most of them can suffer from depression and alienation which are not the right prices to pay.

Hence

, living a simple life and being heartened by the people close to you cannot be compared to any other lifestyle.

Submitted by bianchimarco.998 on Thu Jun 09 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

314 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Film stars and celebrities often share their views on public matters that have little to do with their profession. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

universites should accept equal number of male and female in every subject ? at what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, there is an increasing trend in using mobile phone apps for payment purpose instead of old way of cash handling. What is your opinion. Explain with examples.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.