IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people aroung the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #aroung #world #case
There are still large numbers of
people
 around the
Globe
Fix capitalization
globe
show examples
 who go hungry despite the call for the eradication of poverty from the world by
wfp
Correct your spelling
up
wrap
. Interestingly
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, a critical look at the situation reveals a couple of factors which contribute to
people
 going hungry in some countries around the world
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in Africa.
Hunger
Add an article
The hunger
A hunger
show examples
 that some
experiencedn
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 countries isn't
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
cause
Correct your spelling
caused
show examples
 by
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 of food but
poverty
Change preposition
by poverty
show examples
. When
people
 have the money they can buy and eat whatever they want. In many cases around,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 those who have money that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot to eat and not even the farmers.
Rural urban
Add a hyphen
Rural-urban
show examples
 drift which is common among many African countries underscores the hunger many
people
 experience in their lives in Africa. The youth migrate to the cities in search of
non existing
Add a hyphen
non-existing
show examples
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
 jobs. They leave the
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
 lands for the cities over .
Submitted by richardadetor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: