IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Bringing in the foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this?

#workers #positions #community
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Some
people
 are afraid that the trend to bring foreigners to fill out the gaps in positions for which locals are not willing to apply, can negatively affect domestics. Talking about toil jobs, I disagree with
this
 opinion, because bringing more workforce to the place opens wider perspectives for
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 growth. The essay will outline why delegating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the routine work and
taxes
 taken from permanent workers speeds up
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 growth. Locals which are not busy with
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 are able to concentrate on more complex processes which indirectly affect
country
 development. There is a strong correlation between literacy rate and life expectancy.
Higher
Correct article usage
A higher
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 literacy rate means higher life expectancy. Imagine the person born in the middle of
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
show examples
 - beginning of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 Century, in the sunrise of manufacturing, not many things are already invited and manufactured and
people
 migration is not
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 possible as now.
That is
 why most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans
Add an article
the humans
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 were born and buried in the same place and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 were not able to study because someone must work and build an environment. By that time there was not much choice so
people
 were doomed to get busy at the nearest constructıons and
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
. Foreigners brought in are paying
taxes
 to the hosting
country
 which enriches its budget. As a fact, migrated
people
 need to pay
taxes
 but
that is
 not the only fee
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 face, there are other items of expenditures
such
 as paying for rent, food, clothes, medicine, internet and phone connection.
This
 money is spent in the hosting
country
 which replenishes the state treasure and at the same time makes the home
country
 of the
expat
Correct your spelling
ex-pat
show examples
,
more poor
Replace the words
poorer
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.By the article in AlJazzer,
taxes
 paid by
expats
Correct your spelling
ex-pats
show examples
 increased
Qatar
Change noun form
Qatar's
show examples
 economy by 10%. In conclusion, a fear that emigrants are able to take jobs from domestics does not seem as true to me, with the overall opportunities and profit it gives. With delegated work, society is able to build new opportunities which can be filled by locals.
Submitted by vktory45 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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