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Band 4.5

In some countries, prison is seen as the solution to crime. However, some people believe that giving people a better education is a better way to prevent them from committing crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these ideas? Give your opinions based on your knowledge and expeiences.

#countries #prison #crime #people #education #crimes #expeiences
In some nations, jail
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
is seen
show examples
 as
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 to
crime
.
Nonetheless
, some
individuals
 reckon that providing
people
 with a quality
education
 is a better way to avoid
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
 commitment.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement because it is cheaper and more beneficial to educate a person for
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 rather than receive consequences and formation may decrease the rate of crimes that happen in the world and give
opportunities
 to
enormously
Add an article
an enormously
the enormously
show examples
 big number of
individuals
. From
Add an article
the economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 it is way more beneficial for
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 to receive a good person rather than receive consequences that may lead because of his
crime
 commitment. Due to
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 new workforce will appear.
This
Change the determiner
This person
These people
show examples
people
 will work for their country,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
 only economic will improve, condition of all
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 may stabilise,
hence
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of happiness can increase considerably.
For instance
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 and their jail educational program
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide prisoners with good quality
education
.
This
 programme started
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005,
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 to 2022 total rate of unemployment and
crime
commintment
Correct your spelling
commitment
 decreased drastically and from
economical
Correct article usage
the economical
show examples
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 Netherlands is the 17th largest economy in the world.
Formation
Add an article
The formation
A formation
show examples
 can lower the percentage of
crime
 and may give
opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a better life for
individuals
. Due to poverty and lack of
opportunities
Add a comma
,opportunities
show examples
 a lot of
people
 do not get an
education
. Because of
this
 in poor
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 a lot of
individuals
 find their way
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
crime
.
For instance
, according to Harvard University research the percentage of felons in poor countries due to lack of
education
 account
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
67 per cent. In conclusion, it is more profitable to give
education
 rather than receive aftermath for
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
,
education
 will provide new
opportunities
 for
people
 that can not get it due to their conditions.
Submitted by cit2005 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • socio-economic factors
  • deterrence
  • integration
  • prevention
  • ethical development
  • root causes
  • moral values
  • long-term approach
  • human rights perspective
  • rehabilitation goals
  • academic learning
  • economic benefits
  • empathy
  • belonging
  • dignity
  • short-term solution
  • crime reduction
What to do next:
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