Some people think that traditional culture can be destroyed as money-making attractions to tourists. However, others believe that it is the only way to save traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #culture #attractions #tourists #traditions

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There is a heated debate that has been sparked all over the world. Some believe that the

action

Fix the agreement mistake

actions

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that

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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been done to get tourists can destroy the traditional culture of the country.

On the other hand

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, it is argued that

this

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method is the key to saving traditions too.

This

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essay will discuss both ideas including my perspective. First of all, as the advancement of technology is increasing day by day, it is easier to travel around the world despite the time or cultural differences.

In addition

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, the number of people who would like to make money with tourist visitors

raise

Verb problem

rises

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rather than before.

Besides

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, The majority of people are focusing on getting money and are unaware of destroying culture.

For example

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, thousands of ancient pagodas and historical buildings in Bagan, Myanmar are being wrecked by

money-maker

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money-makers

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. In order to get tourist attractions, some of them are replaced with modern buildings and theme parks.

In contrast

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, it is suggested that it is the only way to save culture from being disappeared.

This

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is because if people are not making renovations to old buildings and other traditional things, they are more likely to collapse

Change preposition

due to

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the damage of natural disasters. What is more, by doing

this

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action, tourists will be more interested in our cultures

as well as

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getting more dollars.

Therefore

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, it can be a win-win situation.

To sum up

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, from my point of view, activities to persuade tourists can destroy cultures and it is not the only way to save since there are many effective ways to keep our

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

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without negative effects.

Submitted by nagendranp1991 on Sat Jun 11 2022

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Content

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Your examples could be more relevant and detailed.

Organization

The logical structure is generally clear, but consider organizing your ideas into more cohesive paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting details.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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